This series will explore aspects of sexuality from my readers’ own perspectives and will be posted anonymously unless requested otherwise.
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Suffering with Borderline personality disorder and being in relationships can be tough. For anyone that doesn’t know what BPD is, the NHS website description is “Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others. It’s the most commonly recognised personality disorder. In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how he or she thinks, perceives, feels or relates to others”
BPD is a set of 9 traits, you only need 5 to be diagnosed. I’m not a medical professional nor do I claim to be. This blog entry is my perspective of how having a dominant in my life significantly improved my quality of life while coping with my mental health. I’ve always been submissive, I’ve always found other people making my decisions for me to be the easiest option, the safest option; and I’ve always found something incredibly sexy about masculine men, so I suppose the man holding the power in a relationship was always a given to me. Of course, there are many types of dominant – my partner is a very caring dominant. Some of our friends would argue his dominant styles are like that of a DDLG (Daddy Dom, Little Girl) but we don’t divulge into that lifestyle – Not that we or I have anything against it. I’m naturally very needy, I’m absolutely terrified of abandonment. My partner would tell you I’m the most needy girlfriend to ever exist. We have what he would call love me days, where he knows he should be gentle with his words and care for me more – especially if things get rough in the bedroom. He also reminds me to eat, to sleep, to do my work and chores and other daily tasks. Having someone there to rely on and everyday to make simple decisions for me such as whether we go to bed yet, or what we have for dinner – having that person there – in control is such a safety net. It makes me feel relaxed and able to cope having less pressure upon me. Whether people perceive that control in the bedroom to spill out into everyday life, I know for sure it does in my relationship. Whether it’s being punished for forgetting to shower that day, of course the punishments where never painful, as per my mental health. I’m very lucky to have found someone quite understanding. It might be something as simple as denying orgasm, or refusing candy or something dumb. Of course its become more habitual to do these tasks. And THAT’S the reason I feel my life has improved so much. Having someone make my decisions and almost train me like a yapping puppy to take care of myself better has improved my mental health fourfold. Whether I’m the only one to feel like this who knows?